Yesterday I did one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I watched someone drive away with my two most beloved horses. I didn't expect it to be easy, but I never expected it to be this hard. It felt like my heart was being torn in two.

The decision to sell them was made about a month ago when we decided to sell our house. To board them would cost about $750. a month and it just didn't make any sense to keep them. So I advertised them. A young girl and boy came from Quadra Island the other day to look at them. We rode in the pouring rain which was horrible and beautiful at the same time. It was to be my last ride. They said they would take them. I then found out that they are going to a Christian Camp. The camp is amazing. They have 235 acres and they are right on the ocean. I was invited to come out to ride and see them anytime.

I was so happy that they were going to such a wonderful home. When I first went to this Arabian farm by Saskatoon where all my horses have come from, the owner told me that he did not sell horses, but ran an adoption center. I kow what he means. You cannot own a horse for 14 years and then just sell her. I can't anyway.

So yesterday they came and took them to their new home. I cried. I sobbed my heart out as I watched them leave the yard and I felt so incredibly empty. If anyone were to ask me who I was in 10 words or less, I would say 'christian wife, mother and horse lady. I was no longer the horse lady. I don't own any horses anymore. I am not sure how I can function with such a huge part of my life gone. I can't grasp the concept of not feeding my horses every day, I'm not going to go and get hay anymore and worst, I am not going to ever go outside and have Mattanah call to me to say hi or I'm hungry or my waters empty or just hi here I am.

I am glad that today I am leaving this place. Everywhere I go here, and everything I do and everything I think is met with the silence of an empty pasture. I can't bear to be here any longer. Yesterday was also my 13th anniversary.